Living with Insecurities

Let’s face it. All of us have some kind of insecurity, may they be physical or otherwise. The society we live in has created a labyrinth filled with social stigma; one that’s difficult as hell to walk out of. This social stigma has made us - women, especially, reduce ourselves to believe we fall below the high standards imposed upon all of us. Most of us either feel we’re too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too dark, too pale, too dumb, too outspoken, too quiet, too irritating, too insignificant and so on. Anyway, I’ve compiled a list of things I believe bring insecurity, but they shouldn’t. Please keep in mind that these are purely my personal opinion and I’m not trying to prove any point. You may disagree with me and that’s perfectly fine.

DON’T be insecure about these, ladies:

      1.     Your occupation

“She has a degree but she is teaching Kindergarten?”, “Why is she earning so little?”, “Why isn’t he working in a field he has studied in?”. So many questions, where are the answers? They don’t exist, probably because we don’t owe ANYBODY an explanation of what we want to do in our lives. People will always question what we do for a living and why we choose to do it. If you’re a teacher, they claim you sing nursery rhymes for a living. If you’re a personal trainer, they say you earn money only using your body and not your brains. If you’re a model, they say you don’t wear clothes. If you’re a working mom, they say you have no time for your kids. If you’re a stay-at-home mom, they say you do nothing but manicures when the baby’s asleep.

What you choose to do is entirely a choice you make on your own. Today, making a comfortable living for yourself is obviously a primary consideration when looking for a job, but at the end of the day, you’d like to do whatever makes you happy. And if you’re content, the society shouldn’t matter to you. You’re not eating out of their plates anyway.

      2.     How you look in pictures

Once upon a time, I was guilty of this insufferable insecurity. When I saw a tagged picture of me in Facebook, I’d quickly observe every part of that picture and then decide whether or not to keep the tag or untag myself. Honestly, I was lame. If you still do this, you really shouldn’t.

I stopped right after I started believing that I was so much more than a bad picture of myself. And you are too. A bad picture doesn’t signify a bad life or a bad person. It was clearly, just a bad Kodak moment.

By the way, a little fact, years ago I got tagged in a somewhat-less-than-pretty-picture of me but I let it be. My husband (back then a stranger) saw it and somehow liked the picture which then got him to adding me on Facebook. Honestly, for someone out there, the picture you despised may seem utterly adorable to someone out there. Of course, my grandma loves all of my pictures LOL.

Another fact. Someone once pointed at me on how we’re not supposed to squint our eyes, stick out our tongues on purpose for social media uploads. I found this utterly dumb. If you’re an idiot like me who loves making dumb faces in real life, why can’t we do the same in the virtual world. Seriously, people put up facades online and this is something I cannot keep up with.

      3.     Your relationship status

I know single people who freak out every Valentine’s Day or in fact, every day, because they’re single. They’re probably calling me out on this point because “she’s married. How would she know?”. I know, because I was single for many years before I met this stranger I now call my husband. People seem to think they’re incomplete without a partner, or that they’re just one part of a single whole. Honestly, what do they expect to find in a partner that can make feel whole again?

You, my dear, were born without a partner. You survived your whole life without a permanent fixture of a partner and can probably go on for much longer. The more you crave for a significant other, the more vibes you’re sending off as being needy. Take it easy, they’re out there.

      4.     Your physical appearance

If your physical appearance physically and literally bothers you, then please, be insecure and do something about it. But if they only bother other people, tell them to shove it.

I’ve been told, yes actually been told to my face that 1. I need to lose belly fat, 2. I need braces, 3. I need laser treatment because my glasses apparently aren’t “cool”, 4. My thumb looks ugly. None of which I have bothered listening to HAHA. I still have a belly (I love you, Coca-Cola!), I am secretly proud of my rabbit teeth, I LOVE MY GLASSES and I still bite the nail on my thumb to death. LOL. So be it. I don’t care.

This goes back to our society and their imposition on how a girl should look like. If you are one of them who have a list that sounds like “long hair, fair skin, long nails, …, …, …”, get a life, darling. Oh and while you’re at it, a new list too (which says intelligence at the top). By the way, those stretch marks, we all have them. Chill.

  

      5.   Make-up

I have nothing against make-up. In fact, I love make-up! I honestly find it an effort to walk by Sephora without mentally making a list of what I want.

But (there’s always a but with me, isn’t there?), when it reaches a point where you find it physically impossible to leave home without make-up, you know you’re in trouble. How less confidence would you need to have if you’re unable to feel good in your own skin?

Parents, this is where I think you should come in. I first encountered eyeliners when I was 19 years old. 19 !!! And it wasn’t just me, it was a whole lot of people who I see in their naked face everyday. Now, it’s a generation of 12 year olds with a fully furnished face. Please, mommies, do your thing.

      6.     Age

Granted, I’m 27. A baby for most people. I am yet to figure out why people lie about their age and in fact sometimes hide it. I personally find it so weird. What is there to worry about your age? Sure, you can do various tricks to stop physical aging (Botox, facelifts, facial exercise, thread implants, drink water, facials) but there is nothing we can do to stop the literal aging, so why fret?

Personally, I don’t support going under the knife but each to their own.

Anyway, I’ll let you know how I feel about my age in 23 years.

      7.     Being too opinionated

I’m gonna chase down to the point. If someone says you’re too smart/too opinionated, that person isn’t for you. Clearly, that person either has no guts to raise their standards to match yours or simply isn’t as intelligent enough to hold a conversation beyond the intellect of a teaspoon. Could it be that instead of you being too strong, they are too weak? Think about it. NEVER ever dumb yourself down for anyone. NEVER compromise your thoughts just because someone thinks you’re wrong. NEVER doubt yourself because people have a hard time accepting your train of thoughts.

Personally, I had a lot of insecurities, which eventually I grew out of (some of them, at least). But at the end of the day, I’m not sure if we can live life in a fully secured manner. There will always be something we’re not happy about and that, according to me, up to a certain standard, is healthy enough. If something makes us insecure, then we should be able to do something about it. For instance, if our weight ties us down, hit the gym. If our acne annoys us, start taking care of your skin. But if the situation is such that we cannot control/change, then by all means, we should work to eradicate that insecurity, like what I said earlier about our age.

Life is too short to live under someone else’s shadow.