Picture this. Scenario number 1. You are walking in a mall by yourself, meets an old friend from high school, start chatting continually, decide to have some coffee and have a really good time. You must have wondered “just like old times”?
Scenario number 2. You’re still in a mall (or wherever! It doesn’t matter) and meet an old crush. You start thinking of the “good old times” and feel like the years didn’t pass by at all. Familiar?
Anyway, you get the gist. I’ve lost count of how many hash tags I’ve read that says #justlikeoldtimes. Heck, I use it too! Today, in came a rushing thought to my mind? Are these really like old times? Do the moments we have today equivalent to the “good old times”?
Once you ponder (please do, so I don’t feel like the only weirdo overthinking this), we are absolutely NOTHING like the olden days. Think about it:
Some of us have new relationships. Some of us broke up with old flames, some of us got married to the person of our dreams, some of us had arranged marriages, some of us had children, some of us are recently single, some of us are happily dating or plowing their dating fields, some of us are mending our own heartbreaks, some of us are probably struggling with a recent family death.
Some of us have left studying, some of us are bored of our jobs, some of us want to study some more but are waiting for the right time, some of us are happily pursuing further education, some of us are looking for jobs, some of us are sick of being the bread-earner in the house, some of us are looking forward for job promotions and higher salaries, some of us are doing professionally and financially well and some may be on the flip side of the coin.
Some of us have lost oodles of weight. Some of us have better-looking hair. Some of us no longer have acne problem. Some of us have some kind of incurable disease. Some of us are struggling with eating disorders. Some of us are bulimic. Some of us have gotten some kind of cosmetic surgeries. Some of us have recently jumped into the health bandwagon. Some of us are still in love with junk food. Some of us sneak in chocolate in their gym bags.
Some of us have been bullied in school and yet learned the art of forgiveness. Some of us still carry old grudges and secretly hate them around us. Some of us sometimes still feel like society’s punching bag.
Give yourself a few minutes and acquire a snapshot of how you were in the “good old days”. Think of how we dressed, looked, talked, thought, behaved and so on. And then, bring yourself forward to the person you are today. Would you really rather be that person in the “good old days”? If you think you are a much better person today, spot on, because I’m sure you are. The person you are today is a far stretch from the gawky teenager you once were.
We have all emerged to be better, stronger, irrevocably sturdier person today. If anyone fails to understand that, build a fort around you and protect yourself with all that you have and comprehend that nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Go ahead. Meet your old friends and have a nice, long chat over dinner. Picture yourselves years before today and be proud of the person you are today. Growing up is never easy but you climbed through. You are frikkin awesome!
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Marrying "Early"-Often a Public Debacle, But Why?
If I had a penny for whenever people asked me why I married “early”, I’d probably be a billionaire by now. FYI, I am 25 and married at 24. For a lot of people, that age does seem to be a young age to get hitched. Not so much in my case, though. It did take me by surprise when the engagement was set, but by and by, I realized that if you’re not ready by 24-25, you’d never be ready anyway. Marriage isn’t something anyone can ever be completely prepped for. It’s something you dive it, and eventually enjoy!
Most of the conversation concerning young marriage is negative, and the few who do advocate for young marriage aren’t really laying out any romantic reasons. For those of us who married young, our relationships are up for public debate, whether we like it or not. Everyone seems to have a strong opinion about whether or not marrying young is a good idea, but at the end of the day, marriage isn’t a one-size-fits-all deal. Everyone feels differently.
But regardless of where you stand on the “young marriage debate,” there are still advantages to marrying young. And a young, strong marriage is still something to be celebrated rather than written off as a failure waiting to happen.
Here is my side of the story, and some reasons as to why I love my “young” marriage ☺☺
1. You get to grow up together. In the first few months of your marriage, you’ll probably get to experience being irresponsible, such as, sleeping late after movie-nights, impromptu dinner dates and what not. Later on eventually, you’ll slowly get to realize your responsibilities, making a living for yourselves, starting the “family” talk, taking better control of your household and simply being an ideal spouse and a smarter version of yourself!
2. More flexibility. Young couples, mostly, are never too much in a hurry into being the perfect home-runners. People you share a home with will be kind enough to allow you some space, to adjust yourself in a totally new light. You get to make mistakes and find time to rectify yourself. Because we got married in our 20s, we were still figuring out how to "live like grown ups" — which wasn't only easier to do together, but more fun.
3. Celebrating milestones. Most couples’ milestone is their first child. When you marry young, you have more milestones to look forward too, such as, setting up your first business together, buying your very own piece of furniture, eventually buying a new car, counting down to graduate your master’s degree (personal experience!).
4. No wedding pressure. You know how it is when aunties and uncles to come your folks and ask them when are we getting hitched? Yeah, get married early and save yourself the awkward situations. A must-read book I recently read was Meg Ray’s TED talk "Why 30 is not the new 20". She describes the enormous pressure that comes when everyone around you seems to suddenly marry at once. She describes the story often sounding like, “Dating in my twenties was like musical chairs, everybody was running around and having fun. But then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. I didn’t want to be the only one left standing up.” Marrying young has left that pressure off my plate completely, and even though I don’t think about it often, it is a huge relief.
5. No more “where is everybody?” moment for you. This may be a small point compared to the ones above, but there have been countless moments for everyone, where they end up alone, either in parties, dinners, weddings, funerals, etc, probably because their friends take forever to get ready. When you’re married, your ever-faithful companion is always by your side!
6. Let’s not forget the little things that mean the world; watching horror movies and having someone to cling to anytime, beautiful mornings when you talk about the day to come, counting month-saries, re-decorating your room together, dropping each other to work, random McDonald’s midnight home delivery, comparing bicep size in the gym (high-five, hun!) and so much more!
Young marriages get to run the whole course from young and stupid to old and wise. It’s a beautiful journey to make together, and one I wouldn’t trade for the world.
Most of the conversation concerning young marriage is negative, and the few who do advocate for young marriage aren’t really laying out any romantic reasons. For those of us who married young, our relationships are up for public debate, whether we like it or not. Everyone seems to have a strong opinion about whether or not marrying young is a good idea, but at the end of the day, marriage isn’t a one-size-fits-all deal. Everyone feels differently.
But regardless of where you stand on the “young marriage debate,” there are still advantages to marrying young. And a young, strong marriage is still something to be celebrated rather than written off as a failure waiting to happen.
Here is my side of the story, and some reasons as to why I love my “young” marriage ☺☺
1. You get to grow up together. In the first few months of your marriage, you’ll probably get to experience being irresponsible, such as, sleeping late after movie-nights, impromptu dinner dates and what not. Later on eventually, you’ll slowly get to realize your responsibilities, making a living for yourselves, starting the “family” talk, taking better control of your household and simply being an ideal spouse and a smarter version of yourself!
2. More flexibility. Young couples, mostly, are never too much in a hurry into being the perfect home-runners. People you share a home with will be kind enough to allow you some space, to adjust yourself in a totally new light. You get to make mistakes and find time to rectify yourself. Because we got married in our 20s, we were still figuring out how to "live like grown ups" — which wasn't only easier to do together, but more fun.
3. Celebrating milestones. Most couples’ milestone is their first child. When you marry young, you have more milestones to look forward too, such as, setting up your first business together, buying your very own piece of furniture, eventually buying a new car, counting down to graduate your master’s degree (personal experience!).
4. No wedding pressure. You know how it is when aunties and uncles to come your folks and ask them when are we getting hitched? Yeah, get married early and save yourself the awkward situations. A must-read book I recently read was Meg Ray’s TED talk "Why 30 is not the new 20". She describes the enormous pressure that comes when everyone around you seems to suddenly marry at once. She describes the story often sounding like, “Dating in my twenties was like musical chairs, everybody was running around and having fun. But then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down. I didn’t want to be the only one left standing up.” Marrying young has left that pressure off my plate completely, and even though I don’t think about it often, it is a huge relief.
5. No more “where is everybody?” moment for you. This may be a small point compared to the ones above, but there have been countless moments for everyone, where they end up alone, either in parties, dinners, weddings, funerals, etc, probably because their friends take forever to get ready. When you’re married, your ever-faithful companion is always by your side!
6. Let’s not forget the little things that mean the world; watching horror movies and having someone to cling to anytime, beautiful mornings when you talk about the day to come, counting month-saries, re-decorating your room together, dropping each other to work, random McDonald’s midnight home delivery, comparing bicep size in the gym (high-five, hun!) and so much more!
Young marriages get to run the whole course from young and stupid to old and wise. It’s a beautiful journey to make together, and one I wouldn’t trade for the world.
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